Oh you thought fooo was kidding about wanting a reasonably-sized harem?
Well yes fooo is (probably), as fooo is a renowned trickster
However fooo has a few free hours and is hyped up on caffeine so…
Hypothetically let’s discuss some of the myriad aspects of building and running one.
CONTEXT
By 2021 we will all make it. We will all “get girlfriends”. And in fooo’s case, hopefully, ya boy fooo fooo will have fooo’s jerkboy reasonably-sized harem.
But even assuming fooo even manages to attract willing participants, what does a functional modern-day harem look like in the west (not to mention the modern socio-political climate)? How would it run?
INTRODUCTION
Johannes Brahms’ “21 Hungarian Dances” is a masterwork. The music is graciously rid of the lugubrious effluvia which was so lamentably vogue in Central European orchestral arrangements during the Romantic period, favoring instead an engaging series of sprightly, stacatto-marked overtures flowing into sweeping, vivacious fanfares. Even the somber moments are soulful, rather than tedious.
fooo was listening to Brahms earlier this afternoon whilst sipping a Monster Ultra Zero and banging out a set of deadlifts, when it occurred to fooo that fooo’s harem vision is not unlike “21 Hungarian Dances”
Of the 21 dances, only 3 were actually written solely by the German composer. He was heavily influenced by friends, composers and instrumentalists alike. It could be argued that only with such behind-the-scenes influences and support could Brahms have created such a piece.
So too is fooo’s vision for fooo harem less the work of 1 humble, handsome panda with a huge penis and large, coconut-sized testicles, and more the united, joyously-shared goal for all members (those who got through the various audition rounds) to strive towards together.
Each of these members would have different backgrounds, interests, skill-sets and personality traits which would, if channeled constructively and according to a great vision, lead to a veritable symphony of harmonious haremonia.
ETHICAL COGITATIONS
Firstly we must assess the harems of antiquity. Many of these harems were compiled and run in ways that are offensive to fooo’s modern ethical sensibilities.
However, this should not preclude the existence of a harem which can be both ethical and good in the modern day, and can jibe with modern ethics, regardless of your sociopolitical persuasion.
Essentially, fooo believes that every adult is capable of agency.
As such, it ought be every single harem member’s choice to opt into fooo’s harem (should they meet the absolutely rigorous twerking standards of the try-outs), and to stay in the harem until such a time as they deem fit to leave it (or until they are banished for crass behavior, of course).
An HR wing of the harem could even be levied and maintained to ensure that no harem member ever feels that their voice is unheard or that there is even one iota of pressure on her not to speak out about anything at all.
Above all, fooo insists that every member is cherished and valued.
The ethical, honest way is the best way, as it ensures that the harem has only the most eager participants, that no one ever, at any time, feels any pressure, and that everyone can enjoy the myriad wonders of fooo’s pleasure palace guilt-free.
ORGANIZATION
To sensibly lay the building blocks of a modern-day harem, it will require much forethought, a consistent, level-headed execution, and finally, a patient, steady maintenance, lest things fall out of order.
The planning will be partially outlaid here, as a compendium of fooo’s thoughts, and this treatise will surely be amended many times.
After the tryouts, those who make the grade will be assigned a Harem House by a non-copyright version of the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter.
These four houses will each have a name similar to the Harry Potter houses, but that has some vaguely sexual connotation or pun woven into it, like Slither-in, or Hufflemuff
Once the new members have settled in, they will be given a variety of personality assessments to determine whether they are best disposed to being a babe, a nurturer, or an enforcer
A babe is fooo’s de facto way of saying “the favorite” without saying it. The subtle jealousy stirred by her relative pedestalization will exist as motivation for others to develop their own sexy behavior and build upon their own strengths in order to win favor and unseat the current champion.
A nurturer is a caretaker — the deeply compassionate type who will care not only for fooo, but for the well-being of other members. They will be the grease of the gears of the harem machine, diplomatically easing over any tensions which may arise with their naturally-keen understanding and insights.
The enforcer is the dogmatic one. She likes rules, hierarchy and getting others to obey tradition. She will be the steady enforcer of fooo’s various edicts, as well as the one quickest to aid fooo with anything fooo needs completed, but cannot, for whatever reason, do at the time.
Together, each of these 3 types will counterbalance the other two, and, not dissimilarly to the current 3 branch system of the US government, provide the necessary structural checks and balances.
TRY OUTS
The criteria for tryouts will be (in descending order of importance):
- does she have a beeg booty?
- what dat booty do?
- does she love fooo for who fooo is inside?
- How is her quick-witted repartee?
There will be an essay portion, an interview portion and a twerking portion.
Please comment with any suggestions you feel may be constructive!
